Last month, Teemu Selanne made a pair of important announcements. The first wasn’t a surprise: He is returning to the Anaheim Ducks for another season. But the other was at least somewhat unexpected. This will be his final season.
Yes, after 21 seasons, Teemu Selanne will finally hang up his skates next spring. That’s crushing news for hockey fans, who almost universally love the guy and have spent the last decade in a state of collective denial over his eventual retirement.
But the good news is that he gave us advance notice, which means it’s time to get excited about the Teemu Selanne Farewell Tour. And in a nice twist, realignment and a new scheduling system means Anaheim will visit every NHL city this season, so fans of every team will have a chance to say good-bye.
That got me to thinking about the ways various teams could market the last opportunity to see the retiring legend. Here are some suggested marketing slogans for the various stops on Selanne’s final lap.
Winnipeg, October 6
Wait, early October? Really? Seriously, Mr. Schedule-Maker, there’s no way you could have seen this possibility coming?
Toronto, October 22
Come enjoy our 45-minute pregame tribute to the best Maple Leafs backup goalies of the mid-'80s, and also maybe there will be another team playing or something we didn’t really check.
Montreal, October 24
Goodbye to our favorite Finnish player of all time, and … oh, hey Saku, didn’t see you there. Well. This got awkward.
Ottawa, October 25
This feels like a good time to finally admit we all think Daniel Alfredsson shot that puck at Scott Niedermayer on purpose.