Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Rejected ideas from the NHL's research and development camp

John Ferguson Jr.'s ice-painting career was
the most successful hockey job he ever had.
Various changes to the rules, arena and equipment will be on the agenda this week when the NHL holds its Research, Development and Orientation (RDO) Camp under the watchful eye of league senior vice president Brendan Shanahan.

First held in 2005 and re-introduced as an annual event last year, the RDO camp gives the league's hockey operations department an opportunity to test changes during live game scenarios. Some of those changes will become permanent, while most will provide a few hours' worth of raised eyebrows before being forgotten.

But while the final schedule of planned experiments has been widely reported, it turns out the original list was slightly different. I've come into possession of a top-secret league memo addressed to Shanahan that outlines some additional proposals that apparently didn't quite make the final cut.

***

B-Shan…

Below please find a list of rules I'd like to see tested at the upcoming RDO camp. Some of these came from folks I've been talking to around the league, and others are my own ideas. I know you're working on your own list, so it's your call on which ones you go with in the end.

And of course, if you think any of my ideas are so good they should skip the RDO altogether and just go straight into the rulebook, that's fine too. I can totally make that happen.

Your pal,
Gary

  • To cut down on premeditated "payback" brawls, refuse to allow players to fight after a faceoff unless they can produce a handwritten permission note from Mario Lemieux.

  • Comprehensively test the new headshot rules, and then survey the players afterwards to see if they feel like they understand them; if any of them do, back to the drawing board.

  • Consider banning any music from being played inside the arena at any time, because it might interrupt your neighbour's precious beauty sleep and then they'll call the cops on you. (Idea suggested by Sean Avery.)

  • Remove the trapezoid behind the net in an effort to increase/decrease whatever it is that having a trapezoid behind the net was supposed to decrease/increase in the first place.

  • As an experiment, try going an entire 60-minute game without calling the Vancouver Canucks for a single penalty, icing or offside, just to find out what they'll whine about afterwards instead.

  • Not really an on-ice rule change, but we should definitely increase pension payouts for players who retire when they're 36. Uh, no reason. (Idea suggested by Brad Richards.)

  • To assist with video replay, add a yellow "verification" line which is exactly one puck's length behind the goal line for 29 teams, and exactly one puck's length plus a few inches behind the goal line for whichever net the Sabres are shooting at.

  • Given recent personnel changes in the league head office, maybe have one of the referees try calling a penalty on Gregory Campbell just to see what would happen.

  • Consider cracking down on obstruction penalties and eliminating the red line. (Idea suggested by Daniel Carcillo.)

  • Increase scoring by forcing goalies to be more aggressive about playing the puck rather than freezing it, because if video games have taught us anything it's that every pass ever attempted by a goaltender goes directly onto the stick of an opponent standing right in front of the open net.

  • Spend as much time as possible tinkering with the way offsides work, because if there's one thing that NHL fans are always complaining about, it's the way offsides work.

  • I don't know, maybe try some sort of rule against biting?

  • Consider trying the curly fries instead of the regular fries, everyone says they're really good. I'll be right back with your drinks. What's the RDO? (Idea suggested by Alexei Yashin.)

  • Try having a fan dressed in white occasionally stand up and move his arms around, just to see if we can get some coverage on ESPN for a change.




31 comments:

  1. The Carcillo reference is brilliant

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  2. How about finally eliminating fighting so that guys like Boogard and Rypien don't get so many concussions that their minds turn against them and give them terrible depression problems. Also see Carcillo's general lack of a clue as being a symptom of the same problem.

    Hockey, still the only major team sport of all the team sports in the world that allows fighting. Also, the least popular.

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  3. Trapezoid rule, Vancouver Canucks, Brad Richards.

    Strong, as always.

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  4. @LeCoDe:

    I don't think Rypien ever had a concussion... correct me if I am wrong though.

    Also, hockey is far from being the least popular, and IMO the only reason soccer is more popular is because it is available to everybody.

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  5. Someone's gonna have to explain the Carcillo one to me

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  6. Great suggestions! This year the Yashin jokes are going to become more frequent than the Pronger ones. :)

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  7. Appreciated the Canucks whining, the biting, and the trapezoid rule changes.

    Bettman also thinks there should be a rule where, everyfan who boos him ever, especially during Stanley Cup Presentations, has to promise to go see a game in Phoenix or Florida... in an effort to boost attendance.

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  8. @LoCoDe ... please. Concussions had nothing to do with that situation.

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  9. and thank you LoCoDe for the obligatory "fighting is a problem" concern that we knew would come up. Cause Sidney Crosby's Concussion was due to the obscene amount of fights he has to deal with in this savage and out of control sport.

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  10. @LoCoDe

    A tasteless post on a column that is clearly written for humor. The poor guy's body isn't even cold yet and you're already assuming. Rypien had battled depression for years and anyone who followed hockey would know that and not post their bs opinion in this forum. RIP Rick. Thanks for a moment of levity on this tough day DGB.

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  11. Anybody who is questioning fighting over the Rypien incident is a total goofball. Go watch womens hockey if you don't like the physicality. if you take out the fighting, players will make statements with more dangerous hits. At least the guys who take most of the head shots in fighting know it is coming. A cheapshot is much more dangerous than two guys squaring off!

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  12. As usual, the post starts out STRONG with the photo caption (I love slammin' JFJ).

    Great post as always.

    LoCoDe? wrong time, wrong forum, wrong analysis.

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  13. LoCoDe: Even I was smart enough to stay away from making a comment like yours.

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  14. Lmao loving the man-in-white reference..

    Soon Mike Gillis will be accusing Burke of stealing their plays.
    (Aka whenever a Leafs player dives)

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  15. Not calling any infractions on the Canucks in order to see what they'll whine about = pure comedy gold

    @Anon - the Carcillo one is in reference to his introductory press conference with the Chicago media last week. He was asked how he felt about playing the Canucks and he said he was excited because a few of their guys "played out of their shoes" against the 'Hawks in the playoffs and he thinks he can keep them in line when he faces them. He was asked to name some names, and the ones he listed were LaPierre, Torres, and Glass - it's funny because of those 3, only LaPierre is still a Canuck as Torres signed with the Coyotes and Glass signed with Winnipeg.

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  16. I don't get the man in white reference, can someone explain that

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  17. ESPN wrote a story about the Blue Jays on how a "man in a white t-shirt" was helping Jays hitters steal signs from the catcher .. so anytime a pitch other than a fastball was coming the person in white would wave their hands to signal that it wasnt a fastball ...

    anyone who has been in the at the 'dome would know how ridiculous this is .. but there it is ..

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  18. Carcillo's 'ideas' have both been implemented for years. The joke is that he's a fucking retard.

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  19. I'm a Canucks fan, and an Oilers fan. So you KNOW I have no problems with my team losing. The Canucks deserved to lose the cup! They did what they always do.. Got cocky, got lazy, and tried to just slide on through. Gee, its always worked so well in the past.. It had nothing to do with the reffing!

    That said, however.. Even the Bruins fans have said it was pretty one sided. ("You silly Canadians, you don't know how to bribe refs!" "HAHA! See, you gotta have Canadian PLAYERS on an AMERICAN team if you wanna win the cup!")

    So lay off, eh? ;)

    But, for the record. The light was in their eyes, the ice was mushy, Roberto hadn't gotten a full night's sleep in at least a day, the twins were missing prime golf season, and the Canucks fans were protesting getting peed on, it distracted them.

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  20. The Carcillo joke isn't that he's a retard (although...). It's that those things aren't issues anymore, much like Glass and Torres in Vancouver.

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  21. "Increase scoring by forcing goalies to be more aggressive about playing the puck rather than freezing it, because if video games have taught us anything it's that every pass ever attempted by a goaltender goes directly onto the stick of an opponent standing right in front of the open net."

    *proceeds to throw controller at TV* welp, that's another minus for my be a pro player

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  22. "Increase scoring by forcing goalies to be more aggressive about playing the puck rather than freezing it, because if video games have taught us anything it's that every pass ever attempted by a goaltender goes directly onto the stick of an opponent standing right in front of the open net."

    And call this the "Patrick Roy Rule."

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  23. Hey, this Carcillo guy is pretty smart.

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  24. @LoCoDe:

    Brilliant armchair science, there, Corky. Now maybe you can now explain how hockey fighting affects depression in those who have never played in the NHL, those who have never played hockey and those who have never even watched a hockey game.

    If that's too many syllables for you, try this: Sit down and shut up.

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  25. loved the last joke

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  26. HE'P ME Somebody... I dont get the SABRES GOAL LINE REFERENCE...have enough to do WITh this daMN caps lock thINg...

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  27. Might not be a major sport, but lacrosse is a team sport for which fighting is treated the same as it is in hockey.

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  28. "Remove the trapezoid behind the net in an effort to increase/decrease whatever it is that having a trapezoid behind the net was supposed to decrease/increase in the first place."

    Classic.

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  29. "Comprehensively test the new headshot rules, and then survey the players afterwards to see if they feel like they understand them; if any of them do, back to the drawing board. "

    LOL!

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  30. Genious with the Man in White. Great tie-in.

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