The biggest free agent signings of 2011

Tomas Vokoun, moments after being informed
of the contract terms his agent just agreed to.

We're now twelve days into the NHL's free agency period, and the signings have slowed to a trickle. But while this year's free agent class was widely dismissed as the weakest in years, it did feature a handful of big name players who found new homes during the early frenzy.

Let's take a look back at some of the signings most likely to make an impact in the years to come.

Jaromir Jagr, Philadelphia

The good: Despite repeated requests over the years, wisely insisted on delaying his return to North America until he was absolutely positive his mullet was in game shape.
The bad: Forgotten sports stars attempting improbable comebacks rarely find success in Philadelphia until they've murdered a few dogs first.
Worth noting: Has previously played for the Penguins, Capitals and Rangers, meaning he's apparently aware of the same four NHL teams as Gary Bettman.

Tomas Vokoun, Washington

The good: Was willing to take an enormous discount from his expected contract value because he wanted to play on a team that could make a deep playoff run.
The bad: Due to a clerical error, wound up signing in Washington instead.
Worth noting: Will provide the Capitals with the best goaltending they've had since 1999, which is also presumably the year his agent was born.

Tim Connolly, Toronto

The good: Toronto is a perfect fit for a player with a history of concussions, since the ACC is the closest thing the league has to a permanent quiet room.
The bad: He recently compared the Maple Leafs to the New York Yankees, so he could be distracted by having every Yankee fan he meets from now on trying to punch him.
Worth noting: It may be a bad sign that the last time Brian Burke and Ron Wilson assembled this many Americans on one roster they became the only team in hockey history to lose a big game to Roberto Luongo.

Christian Ehrhoff, Buffalo

The good: The Sabres surprised many by getting the veteran defenceman's signature on a ten-year contract.
The bad: He was a member of last year's Canucks, so there's a good chance the signature was faked.
Worth noting: Many observers have questioned whether he really intends to play out his entire front-loaded contract, pointing out that no grown adult with access to a vehicle has ever spent ten years in Buffalo.

J.S. Giguere, Colorado

The good: Along with Semyon Varlamov, is expected to provide a huge upgrade to the Avalanche's goaltending situation.
The bad: Given that they finished the season starting a former Ottawa Senator third-stringer, the same could be said for any form of solid or liquid matter as well as some gasses.
Worth noting: After spending the last two years with the Maple Leafs, will do a great job of mentoring his new Avalanche teammates on how to finish last while knowing that a Stanley Cup contender owns your first round draft pick.

Ilya Bryzgalov, Philadelphia

The good: Despite his $10 million salary next season, he won't have to be the best goalie in the league to satisfy Flyer fans; he just needs to be six or seven times better than Tomas Vokoun.
The bad: The success record of giving long-term contracts to NHL players named "Ilya" is spotty at best.
Worth noting: Is eager to show his respect for Flyer's goaltending history, but hasn't decided whether he'll grow a Robert Esche neck beard or just get his face caved in by Felix Potvin.

Jason Arnott and Jamie Langenbrunner, St. Louis

The good: The two aging veterans have agreed to mentor the Blues' younger players by offering candid feedback and helpful criticism.
The bad: They plan to do it from a theatre balcony, Statler and Waldorf-style.
Worth noting: We can pretty much start writing a pair of "traded at the deadline for a fourth rounder" stories now.

Tomas Kaberle, Carolina

The good: Will fit in great with the rebuilding Hurricanes, since he already has experience planning a "Sorry our lousy roster got you fired, Paul Maurice" party.
The bad: His brother played for the Hurricanes for years, which means his father probably already has the front office's phone number on speed dial.
Worth noting: It will be fun when the Hurricanes make their first trip to Boston and all the Bruin fans have that "I feel like I should recognize this guy but he just doesn't look familiar" expression on their faces.

Brad Richards, New York

The good: Has been on a roll ever since he left Tampa Bay and finally got away from that crazy coach with the beard who kept vowing revenge someday.
The bad: While it's true that new York sports fans love physical players, it still may have been a public relations mistake to run onto the field during Derek Jeter's 3000th hit homerun trot and clothesline him.
Worth noting: He won't be under as much media scrutiny when his contract expires in 2020, since by that point he'll be a grizzled veteran and the salary cap will be much higher and also he'll have been retired for three years.

James Wisniewski, Columbus

The good: Will be playing for team fans rarely talk about, so you can still get away with mumbling to disguise the fact you have no idea how to pronounce his name.
The bad: Signing a former Habs defenceman to a big-time contract isn't always guaranteed to work out, says your Maple Leafs fan friend through clenched teeth.
Worth noting: Was unfortunately suspended by the NHL during the contract signing when they misinterpreted his "my pen is out of ink" hand signal.