Well, maybe not all that near you, assuming you're not in the southern United States. But with the Coyotes treading water and an apparently deteriorating situation in Atlanta, it seems almost inevitable that at least one NHL team will have a new address soon.
But where? Several cities have been linked with the league in recent years, many with strong cases to make. But each candidate also comes with a unique set of challenges, and success is far from guaranteed. It goes without saying that the league is under heavy pressure to make the right choice.
I want to help. So I've put together a list of some of the most frequently mentioned candidates for NHL relocation and carefully considered the pros and cons of each one.
Background: Jim Balsillie has been trying to move a team to the city for years, but has been rejected as a potential NHL owner on the grounds that he has actual money.
Pro: Hockey players are often said to have their best years in their late 20s; if the same applies to hockey arenas, Hamilton should be all set.
Con: If Hamilton ever gets an NHL team then Toronto will want one too, according to the guy in the next cubicle who still says "Whazzup" and quotes dialogue from the Austin Powers movies.
Background: Were actually the first American city to win the Stanley Cup back in 1917, thanks to a late goal by rookie Mark Recchi.
Pro: Recently had their NBA team blatantly stolen from them, so probably wouldn't feel bad about doing the same to some other city.
Con: Unpredictable weather patterns in the Pacific-Northwest can sometimes cause springtime heat waves so sudden that fans need to remove their shirts on live television.
Quebec City, Quebec
Background: The Nordiques made the mistake of trading for Wendel Clark in 1994; being forced to leave Toronto made him so sad he punched the entire franchise to Colorado.
Pro: They could immediately resume their rivalry with the Montreal Canadiens, which would be great because that worked out so well for them the last time around.
Con: The city's population must not be very interested in hockey anymore, because if you go around town asking "Who is your favourite NHL player?" most of them just stare at you like you're speaking a different language.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Background: Hockey in the desert? That's practically guaranteed to work!
Pro: If the league insists on losing money on a doomed and reckless gamble, at least they should do it somewhere where they'll have company.
Con: It might be hard for fans in attendance to follow the puck, thanks to all the steam rising up from where the ice used to be.
Background: Would probably make a great location for an NHL team; it's surprising nobody else has mentioned the possibility.
Pro: Have already been through the heartache of losing a beloved NHL franchise due to economic realities, and that experience would probably come in really handy when it inevitably happens to them again in a few years.
Con: Fans haven't watched live hockey games since an in-his-prime Teemu Selanne was tearing up the league 15 long years ago; they'd probably be devastated to find out that he's only like 98% as good these days.
Kansas City, Missouri
Background: Have already tried to lure the Penguins and Islanders in recent years, although that just turned out to be part of a weird plot to try to meet Bryan Trottier.
Pro: Would immediately have a natural geographic rivalry with the St. Louis Blues, and it would be a nice change for someone in the hockey world to remember that the Blues still exist.
Con: City is called Kansas City but is not located in Kansas, which probably doesn't impact their ability to support a hockey team but has always just kind of bothered me.
Background: Media reports say this town north of Toronto could soon be home to an NHL-ready arena, after residents complained that the traffic jams on the 404 weren't quite long enough.
Pro: Falls just outside of Buffalo's boundary for compensation, and screwing over the Sabres on a technicality is one of hockey's richest traditions.
Con: Might not be the first choice of the NHL, which tends to prefer that teams are located in large cities, or medium-sized cities, or small cities, or really any kind of actual city.