Wednesday, October 8, 2008

A tale of two GMs

It's been well-documented that the Toronto media won't let a little thing like consistency get in the way of bashing the Leafs. Damien Cox constantly contradicts himself, and was at it again this week.

Just a week ago he was ever so eager to point out that "Columbus probably won't keep (Nikita) Filatov in the bigs this season", in support of his well-documented opposition to Luke Schenn seeing any time with the Leafs. This week, he sniffled that "it's nice that Alex Pietrangelo, Zach Bogosian and Drew Doughty get to start in the NHL this fall, but that has no bearing on the Leafs and Schenn".

Why does it have no bearing? Because "nobody will even notice what those kids are doing right or wrong in those towns". Not like it would be in a hockey-crazed town like Toronto. Or, um, Columbus.

(Wait, I thought Toronto wasn't a tough place to play? Ah, never mind.)

But even at this very best, Cox has still had to go a full 24 hours before changing his mind. He's never been able to manage the theoretical Holy Grail of moronic Leaf reporting: changing his mind within a single column.

Well, move over Damien. Because Howard Berger is here, and he's gone beyond what anyone could have imagined possible.

(Fletcher) finds himself in the most envious position of any GM in the history of the club. His lucrative contract, at post-retirement age 73, expires next August, prior to the 2009-10 NHL season, and he therefore has almost no burden to engender an improved product on his watch. It is the complete antithesis of the crushing strain felt on a minute-to-minute basis by Ferguson...
I'm going to pause so you can read that again. Think it over. See any problems there?

Let's summarize:

Cliff Fletcher, who has a contract for the upcoming season only and no job security after that: "almost no burden to engender an improved product on his watch", giving him "the most envious position of any GM in the history of the club"

John Ferguson Jr, who had a contract for the upcoming season only and no job security after that: "crushing strain felt on a minute-to-minute basis"

Ladies and gentlemen, I do believe Howard Berger has just changed his mind within the same paragraph. He literally describes two completely identical scenarios, then claims that they're the "antithesis" of each other.

The bar has been raised. The gauntlet has been thrown down. There is only one height left to scale. We need to see a Toronto sportswriter contradict themself in the same sentence.

I know, you're saying it's impossible. Well, they said the same about hitting 70 home runs or a sub-9.70 100 metres. Do not underestimate the talent we're dealing with here.

I really think this can happen. Do it Damien!


  1. My God. These guys are engaged in a spectacular battle of oneupmanship. Forget the same sentence, who will be the first to contradict themselves in the same over-hyphenated word?

    We're watching history in the making folks.

  2. we need a Toronto sportswriter who knows how to use the word "engender" properly

  3. Personally I think that anyone who dissects a sports columnist's article word for word has way too much time on their hands.

  4. I think that might be Damien