Saturday, March 31, 2012

Other ways NHL teams are going green for Earth Hour

Coincidentally, this is also the Leafs'
defensive zone breakout strategy.
Tonight, people all around the world are being encouraged to dim their lights between 8:30 and 9:30 p.m. in recognition of Earth Hour. The international event is meant to raise awareness of environmental issues and climate change.

Many businesses are throwing their support behind the movement, and the NHL has joined them. The league has announced an Earth Hour campaign of their own, with all teams hosting games tonight being asked to scale back energy usage in their arena.

But apparently that's just the beginning. The league has left the door open for teams to find additional ways to promote environmentalism, and according to sources, several teams have decided to do just that.

Here are some of the ways that NHL teams will be going green.

Columbus Blue Jackets - Will ask Rick Nash if he can take a one-hour break from sitting with his face three inches from a computer monitor while frantically hitting refresh on the Google News page for "Rick Nash trade rumors".

Phoenix Coyotes - Have asked the fleet of moving vans that have been circling their arena constantly for four years to pull over and just idle on the side of the road for an hour instead.

Los Angeles Kings - Have instructed all of our offensive players to conserve electricity by making sure our side of the scoreboard never changes and ... Wait, did you say Earth "hour"? Oh man, we could have sworn you said "season".

Ottawa Senators - Have told the guy who works the goal horn to reduce his output by 50% when the Senators score, since they figure 400 blasts will still be enough to get the point home.

Toronto Maple Leafs - Nobody's sure, but knowing Brian Burke they probably had to have their own special Earth Hour a week before everyone else in the league.

Edmonton Oilers - Already did our part in pre-season by unplugging the big flashing sign that reads "Don't let your young franchise player play most of the season with an injured shoulder before letting him have surgery", although come to think of it maybe we should plug that one back in.

Nashville Predators - Will temporarily reduce power to the complex system of electric razors and swinging axe blades that are employed around the clock to keep Shea Weber's beard from overwhelming all nearby life-forms.

New York Islanders - Ownership has announced plans to replace all of the old burnt-out light bulbs at the Coliseum with environmentally friendly burnt-out LED bulbs.

Calgary Flames - Have encouraged their fans to unplug all of their appliances, such as televisions, for one hour. And then, if they want to leave the TVs unplugged for the rest of the season, that would be completely fine too.

St. Louis Blues - Will leave the red light bulb behind Brian Elliot turned off for 60 straight minutes. So, no difference.

Chicago Blackhawks - Have apparently already asked the team's best players to reduce energy consumption in the city by driving their cars into any lighting fixtures they see.

Detroit Red Wings - We could probably save a lot of energy by unplugging that mysterious machine we keep Nicklas Lidstrom hooked up to at all times because what's the worst that could… oh god why is he limping, quick, plug him back in!

Winnipeg Jets - Will switch to more environmentally friendly bulbs on the giant neon signs reading "I have quit on this season and just want to go home" that every player has been carrying around for the last three weeks.

Boston Bruins - Have encouraged their players to spend the entire day engaging in comprehensive group discussions about the significant dangers of man-made climate change, mainly because they want to see how long it takes before Tim Thomas snaps.

Montreal Canadiens - Have apparently disabled the electric locks on the front door of the head office, mumbles Pierre Gauthier, as he wonders why his security pass doesn't seem to work on his first day back from vacation.




18 comments:

  1. Love the Ottawa one. Whose idea was that thing?

    Senators' exec #1: "Hey, you know when we score... when the whole building is excited and the fans are actually making noise?"
    Senators' exec #2: "Uh... yeah."
    Senators' exec #1: "Let's drown them out with a giant, deafening air horn."

    Brilliant.

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  2. heh, I like that Blackhawks one. That made me laugh pretty good.

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  3. Love the Isles comment, of course Nassau says there is no asbestos risk, right I believe them, after all why would they lie?

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  4. haha, love the pic caption.

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  5. Tim Thomas wins it. I won't put it past those bullies :)

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    1. That was my fav too!

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  6. fleet of moving vans..good one.

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  7. 5 stars, definitely one of your best of the year!

    I love the Brian Elliott and Tim Thomas ones especially. And I think you should mention a Rick Nash joke every week until he actually gets traded.

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  8. Shocked you didn't work in a joke about Tim Thomas complaining about it being too dark after he got lit up by the Rangers at MSG.

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  9. In honour of Earth Day, DGB decides to recycle a bunch of jokes.

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  10. I really hate how the NHL is becoming a conduit for liberalism.

    KEEP POLITICS OUT OF HOCKEY.

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  11. Shea Weber's beard is a national treasure.

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  12. Love the pic caption.

    And you only got part of what the Flames did to help the environment. In addition to encouraging fans to shut off their TVs, they also opted to shut off all offence and defence for the month of March.

    Come to think of it, that may have been a bad idea...

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  13. The New York Rangers asked Henrik Lundqvist to shut down his mega-watt smile for the night.

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  14. The NHL pays the bills to have a large sheet of ice maintained in Phoenix Arizona, likely using enough power to supply a small country. But yes go earth day!

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  15. V, it is not Earth Day.

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  16. Washington Capitals - Will save energy by only having their players play a maximum of 20 minutes per night.

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  17. Great. Phoenix never gets old.

    Islanders- LED's aren't bulbs btw.

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