The NHL's discipline policy has been in the news again lately. We've seen various incidents involving Alexander Ovechkin, Mike Richards, Curtis Glencross, Colton Orr and others, not to mention the OHL's season-long ban to Mike Liambas.
And as always, the NHL's suspension decisions have been criticized. It's the usual refrain: discipline is handed out haphazardly, almost randomly, and there doesn't seem to be any sort of consistency.
Nonsense. The criticism is unfair and unfounded. The NHL has a clear policy when it comes to suspensions, and the policy is followed faithfully. The league just hasn't decided to share it. So I'm doing it for them.
Yes, I have a copy of the NHL's discipline policy. And given recent events, I think it's only fair that hockey fans everywhere get to see it.
So here, straight from the desk of Colin Campbell himself, is the super top secret policy for handing out suspensions:
By the way, it should go without saying that this policy applies only in the regular season. There's a separate policy for the post-season, which can be found here:
There. So much for "random suspensions". Don't you all feel silly now?
Other DGB posts like this one:
This is brilliant. I hope to one day meet you with my laptop open to this page so you can autograph my monitor in permanent marker.
ReplyDeletei can't seem to view the first flowchart in it's entirety, part of it is cut off. something i'm doing wrong, or what?
ReplyDeleteA+++++++++++++
ReplyDeleteAmazing. The regular season chart for its detail. The playoffs chart for its sheer simplicity.
ReplyDeleteJust right click and hit "view image".
ReplyDeleteClassic DGB. Absolute GOLD!
ReplyDeleteWhat Triple Deke Staff said.
ReplyDeleteHahahaha... excellent!!!
ReplyDeleteDGB, I think you've outdone yourself! Bravo!!
ReplyDeleteI am in awe of the brilliance of this post. Years from now, I expect to find this enshrined in the hall of fame.
ReplyDeleteI don't even follow hockey, and this was amazingly awesome! Good work.
ReplyDeleteYou sir, are absolutely hilarious!
ReplyDeleteOne of the extremely few sites that will bring out that insane laughter. And that´s a good thing.
You left out this: Is player an Islander? > Yes > Suspended Indefinitely.
ReplyDeleteWas the player that was injured an Islander? > Yes > Let him off with a warning.
Absolutely hysterical.
ReplyDeleteI thought it was a great post; then I got to the playoff flowchart. Then I died.
ReplyDeletePost of the year. Everyone else can just stop trying.... Dick.
Great work, way to work in a Damien Cox zinger.
ReplyDeleteBTW, in one of his latest articles he calls for a "non-bodychecking zone". It's official, he actually does want hitting taken out of the game.
you bring the truth in a way noone can. Go DGB
ReplyDelete"Wait was it Avery?"
ReplyDeleteLove it. As a former L.A. resident who then moved to Philly and got to see Avery with the Rangers, then headed to TX to find out he was coming to the Stars, I've watched him do just about everything.
Thanks for releasing this top secret info.
Brilliant!
ReplyDeleteLOL, classic dude! found it at puck daddy and loved every second of it!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant stuff, though Donald Brashear would disagree with your playoff suspension flowchart
ReplyDeleteWhile I'm a little bummed a Kyle Wellwood fat joke wasn't in there I think you give the NHL too much credit here. I think the real chart is a dartboard, blindfold and bottle of Wild Turkey.
ReplyDeleteJolly good show, chap.
ReplyDeleteAnother brilliant posting. Love the flow chart.
ReplyDeletePure genius
ReplyDeleteCan I please have my charts back?
ReplyDeleteSigned,
Colin
Jesus, DGB.
ReplyDeleteLet me say again: Jesus. F*ing gold -- and strangely therapeutic.
Wonderful expose. You do a service to all hockey-viewing mankind and womankind with this.
ReplyDeleteNice addition to the room with the Wheel of Justice in it.
nice post. i love it when you rip Cox. you know, all things considered he might be the least annoying Toronto beat writer. its just his articles that have to do with anything physical (fights, hitting, suspensions, etc) that are unbarable
ReplyDeleteAnd here I am thinking Ron MacLean is the only funny guy from Canada. Oh, and Trebek.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, this is pure gold.
Although this is hilarious, it's also sad and pathetic how completely accurate it is.
ReplyDeleteThis, more than anything else, is what makes the NHL seem so bush league to me.
Instant classic! Thanks.
ReplyDeleteAnd another one.
ReplyDeleteThoughtful, hilarious and pretty much dead on in accuracy.
Always original.
Lots of good sites out there but this one is tops! NO GD DOUBT!
Drop-dead brilliant! I feel like I should print this out for future reference.
ReplyDeleteAwesome!! :D It's all so clear to me now.
ReplyDeleteHung both of those outside my office door. Brilliant.
ReplyDeleteIt makes me sad there isn't some magazine in existence paying you $500 for this.
ReplyDeleteoh how i love the DGB spies...
ReplyDeleteLOVED the : ''Really? Really. Dammit Pronger'' part
ReplyDeleteSimply brilliant.
Nice work on the flow chart.
ReplyDeleteThis is legen...wait for it...dary!
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious. It kinda makes me a little be sad that it's so true though.
ReplyDeleteFunny Stuff!
ReplyDeleteThis image also has about 40 likes/reblogs over on tumblr right now. You're going to become head of the internet soon.
ReplyDeleteThis is overflowing with win! Love it!!!
ReplyDeleteWow. I thought the Regular Season Chart was funny, and then the Playoff one hit me. It's so true.
ReplyDelete*snerk*
ReplyDeleteOK, this is some funny. :-)
DBD, I don't think I'm the first to admit that I'm a little jealous of your skillz. This is great. So much for the "Wheel of Justice" or whatever flimsy former critique people had for NHL justice ...
ReplyDeleteThis is pure genius. Never a truer word about the ridiculous NHL suspension policy, or about the NHL in general, ever written.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to this going up on the DGB Greatest Hits roll soon, because this was gold. Bonus points for calling out Damien for his "THINK OF THE CHILDREN!" articles.
ReplyDeleteThis oughta shut up that commenter who bemoaned your DGB series a month or so ago, that's for sure.
oh my goodness! that was hilarious! ...and informative... lol
ReplyDeleteBrilliant. If you weren't already engaged to Jonas Gustavsson, I'd ask you to marry me.
ReplyDeleteDAMMIT PRONGER.
ReplyDeleteClassic, good job.
Downie, I'd drop the engagement to Jonas if I were you.
ReplyDeleteHilarious. I've bookmarked this for future reference.
ReplyDeleteYou are officially responsible for buying me a new laptop. The previous one is now messed with a load of Gatorade (that's the only thing I drink while viewing sports-related web stuff). 1500 $ would do it. Oh wait! I shall alexeiyashin that. So it will be 1000 $ per year for next 12 years. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteAWESOME
ReplyDeleteThis diagram is beyond funny, amazing, and accurate. Down Goes Brown is always welcome on PuckDrop to write (with lots of love back to Down Goes Brown), join us on a video, or our upcoming live show. This is some serious funny stuff. McRedwing and I were laughing hard on the phone when I read this out. Awesome.
ReplyDeleteYou forgot the division "Did he give the other guy a concussion" with a 1-5 game suspension, and the "Did he say sloppy seconds" with a 5+ game suspension.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant. It's a damn shame you don't get paid for this.
ReplyDeleteJust about the French version: the website Doug Janik Tabarnak (a satirical "tribute" to Doug Janik, who wore the Canadiens jersey for a fabulous total of two games) made a version adapted to the Quebecer context. They put your URL as credit, but their own on the image (I'll scold them for that). The Damian Cox sentence was turned to: "Did Benoît Brunet say it was the other guy's fault because he didn't protect himself?" Benoît Brunet is actually Cox's opposite, but the effect is as funny.
ReplyDeletebrilliant thought!!!
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Great Job. The only thing missing is the "Was a Brian Burke player involved?" = give 1/8th the suspension you normally would because Gary like him so much.
ReplyDeleteOutstanding.
ReplyDeleteIt makes so much sense to me now!
ReplyDeleteLove it! Truly love it!
ReplyDeleteNice Post!!!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant thought....
Absolutely hilarious. Well done.
ReplyDeletegreatest. flowchart. ever.
ReplyDeleteI suspect the NHL will have to modify their chart soon, though -- replacing "DAMMIT, PRONGER!" with "DAMMIT, OVIE!"
ReplyDeleteThis is made of awesome. And it explains the randomness of the league's officiating, or as much explanation as a random number generator can have.
ReplyDeleteDGB You Da Man man! I hope that possible job offer happens for you. Brilliance like this deserves to be financially rewarded.
ReplyDeleteCo-sign the Islanders thing. I believe, though, the proper provision would be this:
ReplyDeleteWas the perpetrator a member of the Islanders?
Yes --> Double the normal suspension
No --> Why is this even on my desk?
This perfectly predicted the Maxim Lapierre suspension. It's a little bit sad honestly.
ReplyDeleteVery funny stuff. There must be a version for the refs about when to call penalties.
ReplyDeleteIt's time to update your flowchart.
ReplyDelete"Dammit, Ovie!"
The NHL is trying to mess up your flow chat, dude. Suspending Ovechkin; not suspending Cooke and Downie.
ReplyDeleteI know everyone is going to say this about their own team, but you should include "Was it a member of the Flyers?---->automatic suspension despite the circumstances" and "Was it a member of the Penguins?------>NO suspension, even if they nearly kill a guy"
ReplyDeleteMoney, DGB. Money. Thanks for the truth and the laugh!
ReplyDeleteSo THAT'S why Hossa didn't get suspended.
ReplyDeleteLove it! Very very true!
ReplyDeleteSomeone forgot to look at the chart when giving Shane Doan his suspension. Not that he's really a "Superstar", but he is the Captain so that should qualify.
ReplyDeleteFlow branch error... if a goon pushes a ref and it's not funny, what happens?
ReplyDeleteGood thing Chara gets 50 points a season, otherwise this would be a lifetime ban.
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome all over again every time I look at it.
ReplyDeleteGREAT! I LAUGHED FOR A LOOOOOnG TIME!!
ReplyDeleteNeed to update the post-season one from "1 game" to "Throw a dart".
ReplyDeleteIs it quite possible that this was passed down to the new disciplinarian? Because after 2 plus years, I still see the same patterns. Brilliant work. I can't stop laughing.
ReplyDeleteOver two years later, and this is still hilarious.
ReplyDeleteLoving it in 2012!
ReplyDeleteWe shall see what happens with Webber :D Zetterberg is not dead.
ReplyDeleteYou forgot the "Is he a Vancouver Canuck"? 10 games automatically + 4 because he dove.
ReplyDeleteIt is really funny love it. How can I get the poster version of this flowchart drawn from a good flowchart maker ?
ReplyDelete