It's the return of the NHL prediction contest that’s so easy it’s almost impossible

The NHL season has technically arrived, with a European appetizer being served up today between the Devils and Sabres. But the real debut comes next week, with the other 30 teams seeing their first action beginning on Tuesday. That’s when we’ll finally start to find out how teams will look in games that matter, after weeks of the so-called experts telling us what to expect.

But first: it’s your turn.

After all, if me and all my colleagues are going to be forced to embarrass ourselves with bad predictions, then it’s only fair that you get your chance too. And around these parts, that means an entry in the world’s easiest prediction contest.

The concept is simple. I’ll give you ten questions that should be super easy to answer. You decide how confident you’re feeling, and how many answers you want to give. Each right answer means more points, but each wrong one means you take a zero. But you won’t have to worry about that, because again, the questions are super easy.

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From Stanley Cup contenders to bottom feeders: Predicting the 2024-25 season

Fun fact: In the NHL, the “pre” in preseason stands for predictions. We all have to make them, including you – the reader prediction contest is coming later this week, so be ready. For now, it’s my turn to lay my cards on the table, with my annual division-based attempt to dice up the league.

The rules, as always: I get four divisions, with exactly eight teams each. We’ll have the bottom-feeders, the middle-of-the-pack, the legitimate Stanley Cup contenders, and then the teams I just have no idea about. Because I enjoy making my own life difficult, that eight teams per division rule is mandatory. (Insert your own joke here about the “no clue” division having all 32 teams in it otherwise.)

We’ll start form the bottom and work our way up…

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Offer sheets, free agents and… Utah? Rating the West’s offseason with the Bizarro-meter

Welcome to part two of the annual Bizarro-meter rankings, in which we rate each team’s offseason to see which were the weirdest. As always, “weird” doesn’t necessarily mean bad or good or anything in between; this isn’t an evaluation so much as an opportunity to recognize the teams that kept things interesting over a long summer.

Yesterday was the Eastern Conference, with the Capitals and Lightning leading the way. Can anyone from the west top their scores? Spoiler: Yes. But who? Let’s find out.

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A Stamkos exit, deferred payments and more: Rating the East’s offseason with the Bizarro-meter

Slow news summer is finally over, meaningful hockey is almost here, and it’s time to get up to speed on the offseason. Let’s get weird, by firing up the trusty Bizarro-meter to measure which teams had the strangest summers.

If you’ve been following this gimmick for years, maybe even dating back to the original Leafs-only test run from the infamous David Clarkson offseason, then you know the drill and can just skip ahead to the rankings. But if you’re new to this, please consider this very important caveat: “Bizarre” does not necessarily mean “bad”. Teams can do strange things that work out brilliantly. And far more often, teams can take the predictable path of least resistance and end up wishing they’d been more creative. Over here at Bizarro-meter Industries, we are neutral on questions of good and bad. We’re just looking for what was weird.

As always, we’ll do this in two parts by conference. Today is the East, with the West coming tomorrow. Let’s start in the Atlantic.

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Dear TV producers: One fan’s six small requests for the 2024-25 season

While the never-ending dead zone of the offseason drags on, we’re actually getting close to meaningful hockey. Rookie camps are already happening, and the real training camps will open soon. From there, we’ll only have to get past a few weeks of “best shape of his life” chatter, awkward PTOs, and half-speed preseason games before things finally start to matter.

That means that it’s also the time of year when the TV broadcasters are holed up in the spacious meeting rooms in their office towers, holding top-secret meetings to plan out what their coverage for the new season will look like. (Note: I have no idea if this is true.) And that’s good, because this post is for them.

I have a few requests.

Nothing unreasonable. I know that some fans have big-picture changes they’d love to see from the league’s TV partners, but that’s not the point of today’s post. Instead, I’ve got what I think are a half-dozen relatively minor tweaks I’d love to see to the broadcasts. OK, sure, it’s basically a list of pet peeves that I’d like to see addressed, and maybe they only apply to me. But that’s fine, because I’m the main character and everything the NHL does should be tailored to my individual whims, so I’m sure the TV big wigs will be hanging on every word.

Grab a note pad, TV producers and directors, and get ready to make your product way better… at least in one viewer’s eyes.

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