Thursday, July 17, 2025

The Crimsion Chin? SchaefDaddy? The Finnish Fettuccine? Nickname Court is in session

Hockey nicknames are terrible.

We all know this. But some of us might be too young to know that it wasn’t always like this. There was a time when hockey nicknames ranged from decent to outright cool, back in a distant time before we just started putting “-y” or “-er” at the end of a guy’s name and calling it a day.

Why did this happen? I got into that in this column from a few years back, but I’m not sure it matters. The point is that the hockey nickname world is a mess right now, and the bigger question is: Can it be fixed?

I think it can, and there are two paths to that. One is to just let the weirdos at hockey-reference take over, because those guys will take absolutely anything and call it a nickname. The second option is to turn it over to you, the readers. That’s what we’re going to try today. Welcome to the first, and very possibly the last, edition of Nickname Court.

A few days ago, I put out a call for submissions, and you responded with lots of entries. Were they good entries? Eh… we’ll get to that. But the idea was that you could submit any nickname you wanted us to pass judgement on – already existing ones you weren’t sure about, or ones you had made up on your own. I’ve tagged in Peter Baugh and Scott Powers to help me pass judgement on a dozen of your most interesting ideas.

Convince at least two out of three judges, and your nickname becomes official and legally binding gets the stamp of approval.

Modern hockey nicknames are terrible. Let’s see if your ideas are any better.

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