Laughing at the Maple Leafs. Or at least smirking angrily.

I'm back after being offline three days on a quick vacation. My timing was good, since being away meant that I missed the Leaf game on Saturday and didn't wind up wandering the streets in a drunken rage, throwing empty stubbies at anyone who looked like they might be named "Vesa".

But even though the Leafs have looked hinky so far, there's still plenty to laugh about as a Leaf fan. In fact, when I finally got back online I found my inbox full of comedy, both intentional and otherwise, courtesy of DGB readers who took the time to e-mail me. Here are a few of my favorites.

First up, and I hope you've seen this already: the folks at the always-excellent Orland Kurtenblog were able to expose Ron Wilson's game day cheat sheet.

Sneakiness: You're doing it wrong.

Yes, apparently the Leafs need printed reminders that the Habs forwards are small and their defencemen are big and slow. Maybe Ron should consider adding more helpful notes as the season goes on, such as "Maybe come up with some sort of defensive system eventually", and "Put rocks in Toskala's pockets and roll him into the Don River".

Next up: a new addition to the Barilkosphere has appeared, and it's the strongest debut that Maple Leaf fans have seen since Jiri Tlusty showed up and started deflecting in goals with his butt. Bloge Salming looks like a winner thanks to some fantastic videos, including this one:

Somehow I had a feeling Komi might do that.

If you'd like to see more, and/or you've ever wondered what the Maple Leaf Media Bingo Card would like if Damien Cox turned it into a Christmas carol, visit Bloge now and give him a warm welcome.

Speaking of new Leafs blogs, I'd also recommend giving a look to Leafs247. It's a brand new site from some of the folks behind Crash the Crease.

And finally, this one has been around for a few years and has plenty of views, but it was new to me. It's a clip of a hilarious bug from an old version of NHL2K.

I mean, how ridiculous is that? Don't these developers have beta testers? Kyle Wellwood throwing a body check? You'd never catch the guys at EA Sports doing something that dumb.

In all seriousness, I think this is a reasonably accurate simulation of what would happen to a human body if Kyle Wellwood ever put his full weight behind a body check. But it's still an unrealistic and obvious bug, because as far as I can tell the opposing player wasn't made out of chocolate.

Update: More comedy, this time from Leafs Rumination: The rest of the Leafs Nation quiz that Ron Wilson made the team take.

That's all for now. Coming later this week: a famous front page photo of a certain fight, finally found.

If it's in the game, it's... wait, WTF?

By now you've no doubt seen the ad for NHL 09 that features "Lauren", the nhl.com blogger (and apparent Leaf fan) who waxes poetic about the drama and the stories, while an orchestra plays in the background.

It's a decent ad, and it does a good job of showcasing the new game. You can watch it here:

Yes, clearly EA Sport's latest offering is one of the most realistic portrayals of hockey that you'll find, with even the smallest detail given such profound attention that...

Wait, WTF? Did you see what I just saw? Can we rewind that clip to the 0:05 mark? Lauren, get your head out of the way.

Who is that throwing the crushing, highlight reel body check? Can we get a freeze-frame?

Canucks jersey... wearing #42... kind of small... last name kind of looks like W, E, L...

Is that KYLE WELLWOOD?

So let me get this straight. EA Sports spends one year, and millions of dollars, developing the latest version of its hockey flagship. And then some advertising genius decides that the best way to illustrate the game's much-touted realism is to film a TV ad that features Kyle Wellwood throwing a monster body check?

Kyle Wellwood, who is 5'2, weighs 300 lbs and spends his off-season playing the role of Pablo on The Backyardigans? That guy?

Kyle Wellwood, who has never physically attacked anything that wasn't made out of frosting? That's the player you chose?

Kyle Wellwood, who tucks half of his beer gut into the side of his hockey pants like it's Wayne Gretzky's jersey? That's your poster boy?

How did this get approved for air? If I'm playing NHL 09 and I see Wellwood hit anything other than a buffet table, I'm taking the game back to the store and demanding my money back.

I eagerly await future EA Sports ads, featuring Andrew Raycroft making a glove save, Bryan McCabe making a clearing pass, and Mats Sundin making up his damn mind.

NHL 2009 Preview

As any hockey fan knows, tomorrow marks the debut of EA Sports' NHL 2009. This highly anticipated game looks to build on the recent success of the popular franchise.

We here at Down Goes Brown were lucky enough to get our hands on an advanced copy. Here's one Leaf fan's perspective on the new game.

Features

Here are some of the new and returning features that I'm excited about.

• Thanks to the firing of Paul Maurice, players using the Leafs will no longer find that the "timeout" option is greyed out at all times.
  
  
• Thanks to the firing of John Ferguson Jr., players using the Leafs now once again have the option to actually look at a player's ratings before signing him to a massive, cap-killing contract.
  
  
• Players now do certain routine actions automatically, making the game much easier to control. For example, players at the point automatically stickhandle to keep the puck in the zone, forwards in front of the net automatically try to tip in long shots, and Jason Blake automatically kills every odd-man rush by taking a weak wrist shot from the far boards.
  
  
• The league news section now features an "Eklund" page, in which the game selects a random player, claims he's heading to a random team, and then asks you to send money. This page is updated 50 times a day during the season.
  
  
• The game now features a special "Toronto Media Mode". When playing as the Leafs, a window will pop up after each transaction with an article explaining why it was a bad move. This one may need some more work, though, as I noticed the article is always exactly the same with only the names swapped out.
  
  
• The player models are so detailed that you can actually see where they're looking. For example, when you take a slapshot you can see the goalie stare at the puck. When you try to deke a defenceman, you can see him stare at your upper body. And when you completely destroy Daniel Alfredsson with an open ice hit, you can see all the Senators players stare at their skates.

Cheat Codes

It wouldn't be a video game without a few little tricks you can use to your advantage.

• On the main trading screen, if you offer a deal and see the message "That offer is ridiculous, it would cripple my team for five years if I did that", press and hold the Select button. This activates "Fletcher Mode", and the deal will go through. Warning: You can only use this trick about five times, after which it won't work anymore. And also, you will go senile.
  
  
• When chatting with an online opponent with a headset, press all four triggers at the same time and a small image of Richard Peddie's face appears on the screen and mouths the words along with you.
  
  
• During the game, bring up the Options Menu and choose "pull goalie". This will activate the special Raycroft Simulator.

Bugs

Unfortunately the news isn't all good. I did find several bugs -- hopefully they'll be fixed in a patch.

• During free agency, I spent hours scouting Kurt Sauer. But when I finally signed him to a contract and checked my roster, some guy named Jeff Finger was there instead.
  
  
• There are still some major problems with the computer AI. For example, I had a defenceman on my team shoot the puck into my own net. Another time, a 180-foot clearing attempt bounced into my net without my goalie even moving.
  
  
• During a crucial late-season game between the Leafs and Senators at ScotiaBank place, the fans were cheering for Ottawa.
  
  
• Possible issue with collision detection: During a game against the Penguins, Sidney Crosby kept falling down and my team kept getting penalties even though I never touched him.
  
  
• During the all-star game, one of the computer players actually made some sort of vague effort at playing defense.
  
  
• Games played in cities like Columbus, Atlanta and Nashville featured mostly empty arenas, but the league head office still insisted that expansion to the Southern US had been a "huge success".
  
  
• In my first game with the Leafs, I was controlling Carlo Colaiacovo and was involved in a minor collision. However on the next shift, Colaiacovo was still available to play.
  
  
• During franchise mode, some teams went up to two entire years in a row without changing their uniform design.
  
  
• When I tried to open the negotiation window for Mats Sundin, the game froze. Completely. For months. Until I finally lost interest.