Friday, June 6, 2025

The Mitch Marner UFA villainy rankings: Which destination would hurt Leaf fans most?

Mitch Marner’s run as a Maple Leafs is all but over, with all signs pointing to his departure as an unrestricted free agent on July 1. That reality raises all sorts of questions, including how it came to this, whether a breakup is really the right move for either side, and whether this all could have been avoided. But the more pressing question right now is: Where does he wind up?

James Mirtle took a crack at that question a few days ago, ranking all 32 potential landing spots from most likely to maybe to probably not. If we’re being honest, James was probably being kind on the “probably” for that last group, none of whom seem like realistic fits. Still, almost half the league appears to at least theoretically be in the running, which you’d expect for a player with as much talent and upside as Marner can offer.

Great. But all that analysis is leaving out the most important part of any great drama: The villain.

If Marner truly going to betray a Toronto fan base that never had a bad word to say about him – don’t search any social media, just go with it – then he might as well embrace the heel turn. Really kick Leaf Nation through the barbershop window, you know? There may even be a very small minority of you out there in other fan bases who’ll be rooting for it to happen.

OK, so let’s figure this out. Today, we’re going to rank Marner’s potential destinations based solely on how much it would twist the knife on his former team and its fans. I’ve used Mirtle’s list as a starting point, and taken all the teams that he ranked as having at least a quasi-realistic shot at landing the best UFA the league has seen in years. That leaves us with 16 candidates; let’s count them down from least to most painful for Leaf fans.

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Wednesday, June 4, 2025

Oilers or Panthers (again)? An updated rooting guide for 30 other NHL fan bases

I can’t speak for every hockey fan, but one of the reasons I enjoy this time of year in part is that there’s a pleasant sense of familiarity. The postseason story is winding its way to a conclusion, hitting most of the usual beats along the way. We’ve hit on all of the mandatory controversies. My favorite team is, of course, already out. And most importantly: We can crack open the file folder labelled “recurring bits”, which makes life easier for everyone. Well, for me. I guess I’m mainly concerned about me here.

But here’s the thing about that comfortable familiarity – you can have too much of a good thing. This year’s playoffs are getting a little too familiar, and it’s messing things up.

There’s already been one causality. For the first time in a while, I didn’t bother with the “lessons from the final four” post this year, because three of the four finalists were the same as last year. And now it’s happened again, with the hockey gods serving up a rare Stanley Cup final rematch.

Look, we all love a good sequel, and there are plenty of juicy narratives to sink into over the next few weeks. But a rematch threatens to ruin one of my favorite gimmicks, the annual Cup final rooting guide for the 30 other fan bases. We already did Florida vs. Edmonton, this time last year.

What’s a grizzled sportswriter to do? The answer is obvious: Come up with some new ideas for once you hack Double down. So today, we’re doing Oilers vs. Panthers, the sequel. But this time there’s a twist – I’m going to try really hard to switch up the picks, or at least the reasoning, for as many of the 30 teams as possible.

Hey, when has a strategy of running it back every failed anyone in the past? Let’s do this.

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Tuesday, June 3, 2025

Canada vs. USA: Two fans forced to watch each country’s worst 2025 NHL playoff ads

Every year, there's one post that more people ask me about than any other. Which is weird, because it has next to nothing to do with hockey.

That would be this post, of course -- the annual "bad ads" piece, in which two Seans from different countries create an international exchange program for annoying commercials. You know the ones; the kind you see once or twice and maybe aren't too bothered by, right up until you realize that they're going to keep popping up constantly as you try to enjoy the NHL playoffs. That's when the annoyance begins to build. Sometimes, it grows into rage. Or despair. Or whatever that was that "Tara Tara look at her go" made us feel.

We first tried this back in 2020, and it's become an annual tradition. This time around, in a year where relations between our two countries have been strained, to put it mildly, it feels more important than ever. After all, we may have our differences. But at least we all know how to pronounce the word "liberty", and buy a proper cantaloupe. Here we go...

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