lose to that terrible guy from the Leafs..."
But forget those guys. Because if my math is right, eight teams left also means 22 teams that are done. That’s almost three-quarters of the league who managed to combine for a grand total of zero playoff series victories. What a bunch of losers.
What’s their excuse? Well, we asked them. And it turns out that every one of the teams that now finds itself on the sidelines has a reasonable explanation.
Vancouver Canucks – Were once again done in by Roberto Luongo’s complete inability to win the big one, since “win the big one” is our team nickname for scoring goals and “Roberto Luongo” is our team nickname for “the forwards and defencemen”.
Colorado Avalanche – In hindsight, when our head scout ran into the GM’s office yelling “You have to trade for this young Capitals’ goalie, he might be even better than Tim Thomas!” we probably should have taken the time to ask which one he meant.
Minnesota Wild – According to the know-it-all stats nerds, we didn’t do well enough in their advanced metrics like “Corsi” and “QualComp” and “wins” and “having good players”.
Calgary Flames - Jay Feaster has been trying to implement the same strategy he used to win a Stanley Cup with the Lightning in 2004, but it turns out that strategy is just “make sure you play against the Calgary Flames”.