Thursday, May 15, 2008

You can't make Damien Cox say something nice, so don't try

Remember this post, in which I pointed out that Damien Cox only ever writes four different articles and just uses search-and-replace to change the names?

Column #3 was the one where Cox says something positive about a potential Leafs move, with the understanding that what he's suggesting won't actually happen because it's impossible.

Well, check out today's mailbag...

Q: Damien,

In order, who would be your top five choices to run the Leafs? Don't go all John-Ferguson-non-committal on me here, and I don't care about realistically available. 5 executives, no limitations, who would they be in order?

Johnny Bups, Brampton, Ont.
First, which one of you is sending Damien questions under that obviously fake name?

Second, this is a great question. J-Bup is calling Damien on his usual "criticize everything, but suggest nothing" approach. Longtime readers know that Cox will almost never write about what the Leafs should be doing, because they might actually do it and then he'd be stuck having to say something nice about them.

"Johnny" isn't going to stand for it, so he tries to pin Damien down on a real answer. Who does he think should be the Leafs next GM? Which choices would Mr. Crankypants actually find acceptable?

Gosh, I wonder where this one will go?

A: If I could get anybody? In order, it would be Lou Lamoriello, Ken Holland, Bob Gainey, Brian Burke and Doug Wilson.
Yes folks, it's five GMs who we already know are not available. What useful and timely analysis! I'm surprised he didn't mention Sam Pollock.

My favorite part of this non-answer is that he still lists Burke fourth. On the slim chance that the Leafs do work a miracle and land him, Cox can still say that there were better candidates.

You're a crafty one, Cox.


  1. He's a crafty bastard that one.

    Good thing "Johnny Bups" gave Damien that out or he wouldn't have made the mailbag.

  2. ha, a crafty bastard, indeed...

  3. DGB, you need an update to this given that the Leafs actually got Burkie.